Emotional Intelligence: A Journey From My Experience

Today I want to talk to you about something that has not only transformed my life, but has also helped me have better relationships, handle problems better and be happier. And no, I'm not talking about the lottery or winning the neighborhood soccer game. I'm talking about emotional intelligence.

A lot is said about this topic, but what I'm going to tell you comes from my direct experience. So if you're looking for boring academic definitions, this is not your place. If you want practical advice and some juicy real-life anecdotes, then read on, because this will interest you.

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (or "EI" as the hipsters call it) is the ability to identify, understand and manage both your emotions and those of others. It sounds easy, doesn't it? Well, believe me, it's not. But when you master it, it's a superpower.

Imagine you're having a bad day at work, but instead of blowing up and yelling at your boss (because we've all wanted to), you take a moment to breathe, understand why you're so upset, and then talk about the situation in a calm manner. That's emotional intelligence in action.

How did I discover emotional intelligence?

I remember the first time I faced a big emotional challenge. I was in my 30s, my life seemed to be going well, but internally I felt like a mess. Relationships didn't last, I was always stressed at work and not to mention my family conflicts.... Until one day a friend suggested I read about emotional intelligence.

I immersed myself in the books of Daniel Goleman, the guru of the subject, and discovered that I had been doing a lot of things wrong. It wasn't just about being smart or getting good grades. There was a whole world I was ignoring: my emotions.

The 5 key competencies of emotional intelligence

After many years of practice, I can tell you that emotional intelligence is divided into several areas. And here's the summary of what really matters:

Self-awareness: This is the first step. You can't change what you don't understand. I learned to identify my emotions, and believe me, sometimes what I felt was not what I really thought. Knowing what's going on with you is key to acting the right way.

Self-regulation: It's not just about feeling, it's about controlling what you feel. Have you ever seen someone blow up out of nowhere? I have, and I'm guilty of it. With self-regulation, you learn to stay calm, be patient and not get carried away by impulses. And let me tell you, it has saved more than one of my personal relationships.

Internal motivation: Here we're not talking about the motivation of a bonus or a pat on the back. It is that internal force that moves you to do what you have to do, regardless of the circumstances. During difficult times in my life, finding this motivation was crucial to not giving up.

Empathy: This is one of my favorites. Learning to put yourself in other people's shoes is an invaluable skill. It's not just about listening, but understanding what the other person is feeling. Empathy not only improves your relationships, it also makes you more human.

Social skills: To me, this means knowing how to communicate. Words matter, but how you say them also matters. I have learned that being assertive and knowing how to manage interpersonal relationships has given me many, many opportunities, both personally and professionally.

The science behind emotional intelligence

The most fascinating thing is that emotional intelligence is not just a passing fad. There are studies that show how the part of the brain called the amygdala plays an important role in how we process emotions.

Thanks to this, we know that being emotionally intelligent not only improves our relationships, but also reduces stress, improves health and makes us more resilient in the face of challenges.

How to develop your emotional intelligence

I'll be honest: developing emotional intelligence is no walk in the park. It takes time, effort and, above all, a lot of practice. Here are some practical tips that have served me well over the years:

Pause: Before reacting to any situation, take a breath. Take a second to think before you act.

Practice empathy: Listen to others carefully. Try to understand their emotions, not just their words.

Reflect: After every difficult situation, ask yourself what you learned from it. Constant self-evaluation is key.

Be vulnerable: Don't be afraid to show your emotions. That will make you more human and more trustworthy.

Learn to say no: Part of emotional intelligence is setting boundaries. Learning to say "no" assertively will give you more control over your life.

Emotional intelligence at work

I want to make something clear: emotional intelligence is not only useful at home. At work it can be the difference between a boss everyone hates and one everyone respects.

Did you know that the most successful leaders are emotionally intelligent? It's not just about making logical decisions, but about understanding your team and motivating them effectively.

The Journey Never Ends

One of the most important things I've learned is that you never stop working on your emotional intelligence. There will always be difficult moments, arguments, and days when you feel like a pressure cooker about to explode.

But every day is a new opportunity to practice, to improve, and to become more aware of how your emotions influence your life and the lives of others. So, if you are reading this and feel that your life could improve, don't hesitate. Start today.

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